Stargate Atlantis: The Musical
by Celestial Delinquent
Summary: -OneShot- Another day, another encounter with the Wraith, but everything is not as it seems... -broken into chapters for the sake of drama-
1. Act I

**Stargate Atlantis- The Musical  
**Celestial Delinquent

* * *

**Rated**- K (for Kooky...)  
**Synopsis**- (OneShot) I think the title says it all...  
**Note**- I can't even pretend to know where this came from. The hour was late and I should have gone to bed...instead I wrote this. Time will tell if I made the right decision. =P  
**Post Script**- The narrator is female. The _italics_ denote singing...I think your imagination can do the rest. Please drop me a line...I'd love to know what you think. Enjoy!

**Act I**

* * *

Narrator:  
_The forest was quiet and all was still.  
__The path to the gate was muddy and uphill.  
__Yet our three heroes press forward with iron will._

"Did you guys hear that?" Sheppard suddenly asked as his boot sloshed in a puddle of mud.

"You mean the annoying buzz of these stupid insects that keep flying in my ears?" McKay remarked.

"No."

"Then no."

With a shrug Sheppard pulled his foot out of the muck with a grimace. Shaking his leg for a moment to fling the giant wads of mud from his shoe he continued in step with McKay and Ronon. This trip had proved to be extremely useless.

"Why am I here?" McKay suddenly started to complain, "I mean seriously, why am I here?"

Ronon and Sheppard both ignored him.

McKay:  
_This place is hot and clammy,  
__Yet you're all fine and dandy,  
__My feet are getting weary,  
__My stomach isn't cheery,  
__My pack is growing heavy..._

"Can I knock him over the head?" Ronon suddenly interrupted.

"Please..." Sheppard joked.

Luckily the gate was just around the bend, as the path trailed through the thick foliage up ahead. Through the thick trees and they'd be there. Just then Sheppard caught sight of something that would make this useless trip a bit more difficult.

Sheppard (in a whisper):  
_Shhh...whisper now and do duck down,  
__My news to tell may draw a frown,  
__The Wraith draw near..._

Ronon:  
_Can't I just shoot them..._

McKay:  
_Don't you mean alert them..._

Sheppard (in a whisper):  
_Shhh...the two of you don't make a noise,  
__Together now lets keep our poise,  
_(Suddenly he shot up with his arms held open before he belted out.)  
_Because the--Wraith--are--here!_

With the final note the party of Wraith suddenly turned around, eyes trained on Sheppard.

"Oops..." he mumbled as he darted back down.

Ronon and McKay glared at him as he crouched beside them.

"What? You'd have done the same...it was climatic number..." Sheppard stated as he turned his attention to the enemy ahead.

The Wraith passed each other glances before they slowly stepped into a chorus line. Marching forward four steps they came to a stop, straight as boards.

Wraith (in unison):  
(They all hold out jazz hands.)  
_The Wraith are here,  
__What do you do?  
__Come here, closer,  
__Let us feed on you..._

Letting their hands drop to their sides they all stood completely still. Slowly the group of three marched forward again before they came to a stop.

Wraith (in unison):  
(They all hold out jazz hands.)  
_The Wraith are here,  
__What do you do?  
__Stand there, fearful,  
__We will come to you..._

"Well screw that..." Sheppard remarked as he opened fire.

As one of them was littered with bullets the remaining Wraith quickly dispersed ducking for cover.

"So now it's okay to shoot?" Ronon asked, annoyed, as he started to move through the trees to hunt down the remaining Wraith.

Narrator:  
_The situation I fear has grown dire.  
__The forest is now riddled with gunfire.  
__The lives of our heroes hang by a wire._


	2. Act II

**Act II**

* * *

Narrator:  
_The forest is now pummeled by rain.  
__Their hunt for the Wraith is proving in vain.  
__I worry; will one of our heroes end up in pain?_

"Seriously, does no one hear that?" Sheppard shouted as he made his way behind the cover of another tree.

"You mean the sound of impending doom," McKay whispered as he took up position near Sheppard.

Sheppard thought for a moment before he shrugged, "Well pain isn't so great...so yeah."

"What? Who's going to end up in pain?" McKay asked growing alarmed.

"Never mind...forget I said anything."

Quickly Sheppard moved his position, pulling away from McKay. In the distance Sheppard noticed a Wraith and silently approached to open fire. The Wraith spun as the bullets hit him, his whole body shaking.

Wraith:  
(Hands clutched to his chest.)  
_You got me,  
__You shot me..._

Suddenly he fell to the ground.

"That was different," Sheppard remarked as he edged back through the forest.

McKay started to move through the trees, suddenly aware everyone had become separated. Some distance behind him a Wraith was sneaking up.

Wraith:  
(Tip-toeing through the woods.)  
_You've found yourself alone..._

McKay:  
_No I've not...  
__My friends I've got,  
__Worst case I'll take the shot._

Wraith:  
_Frightened to the bone..._

McKay:  
_No I'm not...  
__My courage I've got,  
__Okay...maybe not..._

Wraith:  
_I'll strike where you're prone,  
__Frightened to the bone,  
__You've found..._

Ronon:  
_Yourself alone._

Suddenly the Wraith turned around to see Ronon creeping up behind him. Panicked the Wraith smacked him across the head. McKay who was approaching with readied firearm cringed at the hit.

Ronon:  
_You really shouldn't have done that..._

McKay:  
(With raised index finger.)  
_I second him on that..._

The Wraith glanced back and forth before Ronon shot him. With an annoyed look he stared at McKay.

Ronon:  
_Do you really have to finish all my lines?_

McKay:  
_I think our duet really shines._

Pushing past McKay, Ronon came behind Sheppard who was making his way towards the gate.

"Can we please get out of here?" Ronon more demanded than asked.

"Way ahead of you..." Sheppard said as he came up to the gate and dialed for home.

After the connection was made, both Sheppard and Ronon stepped through. McKay looking around slightly paranoid, moved to follow.

"Ow..." McKay billowed as he stumbled into the stargate.

Narrator:  
_The battle is splashed with red.  
__One of our heroes is bashed on the head.  
__Another fears he'll soon be dead._


	3. Act III

**Act III**

* * *

Narrator:  
_This song has been fun.  
__But these heroes are done.  
__I don't jest or pun._

"I'm just going to ignore you..." Sheppard mumbled as they all came through the gate.

"What did you say?" McKay asked as he hobbled next to him.

"You don't want to know..."

"What? I was the one who was going to end up in pain, wasn't I?" McKay started to panic as Beckett quickly approached them.

Beckett:  
_The doctor is here,  
__There's no need to fear,  
__Is anyone hurt?  
__I see some blood on your shirt..._

McKay:  
(Stumbling forward with arms held open to the heavens.)  
_I think I'm dying,  
__Yes definitely dying,  
__There's so much pain,  
__I blame the rain,  
__The end comes slow,  
__I've stubbed my toe._

"Okay...is anyone 'really' hurt?" Beckett asked as he turned to the others.

"Hey, do not mock my condition...this really hurts..." McKay spouted as he hobbled over to the doctor, "What if it's broken? I mean isn't it your job to take a look? At least, shouldn't I get like, some crutches or something?"

Beckett started to walk away.

"If anyone really needs anything I'll be in the infirmary."

"Hey..." McKay called, "What about some aspirin? Just like one...okay no two...it really hurts..."

Finally realizing that no one was listening McKay turned to Sheppard and Ronon.

Ronon:  
_Well I think I'll call it a day,_

McKay:  
_Is that really all you have to say?_

Ronon:  
(Raising a threatening fist.)  
_Before I decide to really hurt McKay,  
__And if I hear another rhyme,  
__I can easily say I'd much rather...die._

Turning, Ronon quickly headed up the stairs, departing from the gate room.

"Well that's just overly dramatic..." McKay commented.

Sheppard passed him a raised brow, "Yeah...you're one to talk..."

"What? How am I supposed to know what dying feels like...I mean you didn't feel it. It really hurt..."

With a hobbled step McKay started up the stairs, probably intent on making his way to the infirmary to bother Beckett with his 'condition.' Sheppard smiled and let out a sigh. At least they all made it home in one piece.

Narrator:  
_This begins our final prose,  
__As this story draws to a close.  
__Why this happened Sheppard only knows..._


	4. Act IV

**Act IV**

* * *

Narrator:  
_Everything has ended fine,  
__Though this vision was not mine.  
__So now I must bid please, rise and shine._

"What?"

Sheppard suddenly shot up in bed, eyes wide. That was a dream...yes...no...definitely yes. Ruffling his hair he glared over at the clock.

"I'm going to pretend like that didn't happen," he mumbled as he fell back against his pillow instantly falling back asleep.


End file.
